Thanksgiving

As a child on the eve of Thanksgiving my brother and I would discuss the things we were grateful for; well, the things we could say at the dinner table.  And while they were true, we were thankful for our mother and father and for our pets and for our home and for freedom.  We were also thankful for school being out and that Christmas presents were merely weeks away, but those things were not really said at the table with family gathered.  As a teen and young adult I began to be a different type of thankful.  I wasn't thankful for my parents just because they loved me (which they did); I was thankful for them because of all they gave to me to make me who I was in my heart and in my soul. I was thankful for the approach of Christmas because it meant for a few weeks people would smile and be kind to each other and they would remember family and forget hardships.  As an adult I am thankful for so many things and I am thankful in ways that words do no justice.  I am thankful for my parents because they just "get it", "get me". I am thankful for my pets because they teach me to be better at forgiving.  I am thankful for Christmas because of all the wonderful memories I have of family and friends and joyful moments shared together.
Just as our lives change and we grow up, our views on thankfulness and Thanksgiving change and grow. That said where does Thanksgiving fit in to topics about running?  No, I am not going to tell you how many miles or hours you have to run to have a slice of pecan pie with no guilt (eat the pie).  I am not going to tell you which races are in your local area on Thanksgiving morning.  I am not going to tell you to be thankful for your ability to run.  All these things you already know.  So  I am not going to talk about another thing I am thankful for knowing about and having this Thanksgiving. 
While I have many things to be thankful for in my life, and many of those things and people I don't appreciate enough or say thank you to enough through out the year, I want to talk about one part of my life that for me changed this year.  It is sort of the running part, but it is actually bigger than the physcialness of the running (or biking, or swimming). I am thankful this year for having had experienced that moment when I truly felt a part of the running (athletic) community.  You have to understand when you realize you have become a part of this community you realize the full overwhelming level of support surrounding you and you realize you are the overwhelming support for others around you.

It does not matter if you run side by side in silence or if you run telling stories of the day.  What matters is no one out there is alone.  Even when you run alone, you are not really alone, because you know someone is thinking, "Wow, she got up and ran today.  I wonder how that went."  Or you are thinking, "I told so-and-so that I was going to run today, guess I better get up and go."  You are already engaging in your community without knowing it, supporting others just by thinking about them.  Beyond the training and racing I am thankful to be a part of this community because I am surrounded by people who understand with compassion.  They know I am not crazy to do this, no matter time of day, or distance traveled.  They know at any time I may be healing physically and mentally and emotionally.  They know running is not a motion I go through but a process of feeling alive, whole.  I am thankful to have people who know; they know without words. 

For me talking to others is difficult.  I am a sit and watch and learn type of person. The athletic community gave me the opportunity to be that person while engaging with others.  You can't talk and swim (not if you are really swimming), but you can watch and learn and slowly gain comfort with people just by being at the same place at the same time (5am at the pool, you get to know people).  This community also embraces everyone (seriously everyone, I didn't believe it at first either).  You can walk five steps or you can run a four minute mile and you still get to be a part of this community. Because you were not only there but because you are trying, giving effort to something.

We have been running since 2008.  We started triathlon in 2010. We
have been members of one local running club for about 4 years and another one for almost 2 years. We have been members of our local tri club for 2 years.  But it has been in this last year that I have finally felt as ease in this community and have finally felt like I belong here.  It is strange too because belonging had little to do with feeling accepted and more to do with being able to feel as though I could give back. Don't misunderstand it is not my giving that I am thankful for; it is the time, patience, support, nurturing, and guidance from others that I am thankful for today.
Much like my thankfulness of my parents, I went from being thankful for this athletic community because it simply existed and allowed me to participate, to being thankful for this community because they gave to me a piece of what makes me who I am as a person, to being thankful that this community and I "get each other" without explanation we just get it.
While I have a list of things to be thankful for, so long it would wrap the world in a hug, today I wanted to share how thankful I am for this journey within the athletic community.
Thank you to all of those who have been on this course with me.  Thank you for your wisdom.  Thank you for your patience.  Thank you for your laughter.  Thank you for all that you have given without knowing you gave at all.  Thank you for making me a better person.              

The Race of Marriage

You may not know this because we don't talk about it often but we fight sometimes.  Not the knock out kind of fights, so I guess I should say we argue sometimes.  SURPRISE!!  Now that we  ripped that band-aid off, let me talk about our fights. No, I am not going to tell you the down a dirty about our fights, the topics of our fights are not important; what is important is that when you are in it together you have arguments.  It isn't the topic of the argument that makes a difference it is about how you handle the argument  and the aftermath which can change everything.
Let me step back a moment, people ask us how we make our marriage work?  As we are currently in our early 30's and only 11 years into our marriage. I often laugh at why anyone would see us as experts on the topic.  But then I realize statically only 64% of first marriages last over ten years (and that does not include separations, only divorces).  We may still not be experts but we must be doing something right. When we give advice about why it works this is normally our advice, "We had no expectations of each other."  I laugh because this was the answer Patrick gave me as we drove down the road speaking about a recent friend's divorce and what was different for us.  Now, this does not mean we didn't expect things of each other as far as commitment, understanding, and unconditional love; simply we didn't expect each other to change or be something they were not, instead this commitment was an exercise in individual and relationship growth.     

Those of you who are expecting the to relate back to racing, here you go!!  When I think about our marriage it looks a lot like our race life.  It started small, an idea of "maybe we could do this".  Our marriage was challenged as it grew.  We moved from a 5K to longer distances.  In our relationship this meant devoting time and efforts to relating to each other, supporting each other as we changed due to work, life, and growing up. Much like road races the rains came, the sun shone, we felt alone, we felt lifted, and the finish line was a brief accomplishment in time of efforts made over weeks and months and years.
Then as in our racing life there have been moments of boredom.  In these moments it would have perhaps been easy to say, "I'm done" or to look for something outside of this relationship to peak interest.  But that's not what you do with something you love and enjoy, you don't give up on it because of moments of boredom.  No, you figure out how to reshape it and build it.  For our racing that was opening our race life up to triathlon.  Adding swimming and biking to the running. 

How does this translate to marriage? You have to look at the bored times and figure out if you are bored with the place, the person, or the day to day.  We realize in times of boredom we have to change things up.  If that means taking extra vacation days (maybe including a running event).  It may mean picking up new hobbies to engage in or returning to old hobbies.  It could be as simple as remembering to take time from the boring pattern to remember what you love and to accentuate those things, CHANGE THE PATTERN!!!  Often times when you can do things together that may be new you realize how many new things you want to experience with the person you fell in love or are in love with.       
For us racing together is not a story we tell about 5Ks, half marathons, or Ironman events; it is a story we tell about our life.  We do all of this together.  We understand each other has to grow and we don't expect each other to be more than who they are, although we cherish and encourage the greatness we see in each other.  It is about never letting life get boring; instead changing it up, looking within and to each other for strength, and pushing forward when times are tough.
Lastly, we always remember the finish line in marriage is not three miles or 16 hours, it is a lifetime; filled with peaks and valleys.  It is a bunch of races and race days all combined into one.  And if one day there is no more racing for us, that's no problem as we together will continue in our race, our journey, it will simply grow and change.   
Through it all we remember we have each other, through good or bad times, expecting only commitment (staying the course), understanding (knowing not everyday is a good day), and unconditionally love (remembering we love what we are doing).    We race together on the road and in life.

What Do You Do When It Doesn't Go Right?

If you race long enough (or even just once for some) you will come upon a day where the race conditions force changes in your race plan.  In light of the swim for IMFL being canceled this morning I felt it would be a good time to mention that... well, it happens.  It isn't easy to deal with this sudden and unwanted changes.  There you stand ready to enter the water on race morning, feet wet and cold in the sand, you heart pounding, your eyes darting watching race officials, your ears listening to chatter water side, your heart hoping it can't be true. But then as if you didn't think it could happen the swim is off, plans are made to space out athletes onto the bike course, and you slowly march back to the transition area feeling a loss of sorts and feeling out of sorts.
Again this happens.  It happens in triathlon.  It happens in cycling events.  It happens in running events.  It happens.  Now that we have established that it happens what do you do about it?  How do you move forward?
For me the coping and processing is different based on event and type of changes.

Running Races
Patrick and I have stood under the pavilion at the Beach waiting for a call to be made on a race due to lightening.  The race was called but we ran out there anyway, trying to beat the strikes and just making it back before it all came down.  We have huddled in a restaurant waiting to see if the skies would part so we could run 13 miles, then if we could run 6 miles, maybe a 3 mile run, then even hopes for a 1 mile fun run were lost.  We ended up running a 13 mile course the following morning.
For running events that's our normal plan, we make up the miles for the run by running either the course or the distance within a few days of the race.  We try our best to do it on the same course but sometimes it is not possible due to distance or weekday.  As Patrick says, running the miles ensures we "earn the shirt".  More than the shirt it is a positive affirmation that we will push forward despite set backs.  This forward motion has always been a part of who we have been as athletes.  I can honestly say there is not a single running race that we have not completed in one fashion or another.

Cycling Races
Patrick and I have only participated in a few biking events.  For one of them we had planned to ride across a few states.  Well the morning of the event the weather turned against us.  The waters were breaking over the sea wall due to a harsh south bound wind.  The race was delayed by about four hours and moved about 20 miles down the road to get us away from the water.  Due to the time change and the only slight move we ended up riding into a very congested area as it was getting dark.  To add to the danger concerns it was a Friday, people were getting off work, going out to eat, heading to the bars for drinks.  We got notifications about other teams dropping from the course.  The night began to turn cold and dark.  We made the decission to stop our travels by bike and finish our way home by car.
For some time we struggled with the factor that we had not finished this race.  We toyed with the idea of going back over and starting again.  We thought about perhaps riding the distance here at home, making loops and bigger loops till the miles are done. In the end we would not finish the race or finish those miles, as we had for other events.  But we would push forward.  We would look to future events with this race in mind knowing what it felt like to call a day and knowing what all went in to that decision, with safety being the primary concern.  This was a learning day.
It was a day that we at times look back on and wonder "what if'.  But it is a day that is done; the only thing left to do was to learn from it.  We learned it was okay to let go.  We learned it was okay to accept.  We learned that together we accomplished a great feet.  We learned to be proud for every effort we would make.

Triathlon Races
We have only once had a full triathlon canceled on us.  It was a sprint tri at a nearby college.  The weather kept us from racing that day.  The rain downpours caused safety concerns when matched in combination with the steep hills on the course.  As is usual safety becomes the primary decision maker.  Again this event was easy to complete in later, less wet, days. 
The safe factor came into play when the swim was canceled for a 70.3 tri we were doing the past spring.  Having just the swim canceled was almost more difficult. This meant no warm up; no favorite part of the event; no clear transition plan.
This cancellation was difficult to "make up"-- do we "redo" the whole race or just swim the mile in the pool in following days?
For me the decision was to race the race as it was.  It was still a good race.  It was still a challenge.  It was still a race.

Sometimes things change- We call it LIFE.
When they change on race day you have to change your plans in your head and in your body.  You have to regroup quickly and change the plan in order to still be successful, no matter what your success looks like and remember the definition of that success is always changing.  

The most important thing is to not focus on the difficulties or challenges.  Instead to focus on how you work to overcome those challenges; this work can be figuring out how to push on in the race or change the race; or it can be figuring out how to learn to let go.