Moments that Remind Us, We Are In This Together!

In the sport of triathlon I have had moments of weakness and moments of greatness; however, this weekend was comprised of moments which reminded me that we, as athletes, are in this together.
It started early on Saturday as we prepared for the Firecracker 5K.  Before the race even started there were several friendly faces, all with open arms (it seems we know a lot of huggers).  During the race words of encouragements were shared- "Push on", "Getting close", "It could be hotter", "Sprinklers ahead".  And at the finish line those same friendly faces, with high fives and sweaty hugs.  It was hot and humid and miserable but there we were together.  In that heat it didn't matter if you were fast or slow, it mattered that you were there, you did it.
Later on Saturday I had a pool swim, which thankfully Patrick went with me to complete. I wasn't feeling like swimming and I had a "not so great" swim earlier in the week.  Patrick wasn't swimming my workout but just him being there and supporting me through this training has made a world of difference.  It reminds me that on the day when I hit the water for what will be a very long day, he will be there supporting me, encouraging me, and pushing me. Patrick is sort of a built in support system, but one I am ever thankful for.
Sunday would bring new moments of togetherness out there.  For me it started in the water that day.  There was an athlete who the week earlier was struggling with memories of the past which limited him from making it out more than a few yards in the open water.  When this weekend I saw him in the water making it again only a few yards I went in the water to help.  Together we made it to the first buoy, then after a little water treading we made it to a kayak, then the next, then to shallow ground and around the second buoy.  After that and a few deep breaths it was a turn to the last buoy.  Now the only way out of the water was back across the deeper portion.  You would have though we finished a 100 mile swim, both cheering and excited.  I was elated for this athlete.  He had overcome a challenge that was until this moment unpassable. As I looked back out at the water I saw smiles from the kayakers and safety persons in the water- they did this too!  While only this athlete who pulled his body through the water and his mind through the darkness imprinted deep inside, there was a team there to encourage, support, and cheer.  This athlete then did something that was unexpected, he agreed to go back into the water and go around one more time.  The team came together again, the kayakers moved close, the swim support team moved in to coach and comfort. Around buoy1, then 2, then 3, then back to land. It was an amazing thing to see this full team rally.
On this day too our group would have a few biking accidents to manage as well.  Athletes stopped to help each other, stopping their workouts to make sure their fellow athletes had care.  This support went on through the morning and afternoon, as messages to check on members went on for hours until there was satisfaction all were as safe as could be that day.  Our tri club lifted each other up through out the day and it was amazing to see.
As the holiday weekend drew to a close a few of us got up early to gather for a bike a swim.  I wasn't planning on needing emotional support on this day, but at mile two my legs were not loosening up, they refused to turn the crank; I felt myself build with frustration and my legs feeling like they were on fire.  I continued on but quickly dropped off the group.  The group waited for me a little ways up, then again a few more miles up.  These fast, powerful athletes who could have been out and back much faster stayed there with me.  One athlete dropped back to help pull me back up to the group since the head wind was not helping matters.  At mile seven I was starting to feel a little better, as we took off from this stop the group slowed their pace, and paced out with me.  No one complained, they all smiled, and asked if I needed food or how I was feeling.  Besides embarrassed, I was feeling my cup runneth over.  Without them there my ride would have been a frustrating mess, ending with cursing and tears; instead it ended with "good job' and laughter as we headed into the water.
Sometimes in training or a race you can feel alone, worried, scared, frustrated--- but remember we are in this together.  Just take a moment to listen to the cheers from the other athletes, take in the high fives and "that a boy" messages shared out there, because in those moments you find the support to push on through the rough moments and hold on to the great moments we share.  

Baking Cookies

Apple Bread

Praline Cheesecake

You may have thought I was all about health and fitness--- well, you need to read a little closer my friend.  :)

I am all about life's balance (or at least trying to balance life)!!!

I like cookies and cake and pie--- actually I like baking cookies, and cakes, and pie. Baking is a joy in my life, not really because I want to sit on the couch and eat a dozen fresh baked cookies, although I have had my days.  No, I bake because nurturing our bodies with happiness is a sign of love.  Baking is a part of my love language, it communicates to others that I care when words can't say it.  Baking a batch of cookies brings smiles to faces- that homemade cookie on a busy work day, or long meeting, or after a brutal workout, can make someone stop and feel sunshine inside.
For me baking is easy, combining ingredients and making goodness with my own hands, sets my mind at ease and lets me have creativity in the safety of my kitchen.   It allows me time to process information from outside of my kitchen- thoughts about my workday or upcoming races flood my mind.  At times these thoughts turn to be overwhelming but I break them down to a cup of flour and 2/3 cup of brown sugar.  These overbearing thoughts are measured and contained, mixed with cinnamon and chocolate chips, and blended together.  Soon the thoughts turn from stress to a gooey mix, yielding an end result of cookies!!  

Apple Pie

Who can be mad when cookies are set in front of you? 
Who can be mad when you smell of vanilla and sugar at the end of the day? 
Who can be mad when those around you smile and thank you? 
NO ONE, that's who. 
Cookies unite us in happiness. 

Today, I baked. 

Because I needed to control something- ingredients, time, heat, motion, happiness!  

All in one act!

 

Sink or Soar- A Soul in Motion

I have recently been asking my work staff for their life goals for a meeting, it got me to thinking about my own life goals, which turned to thinking about life's moments.  When I thought about what my life goals are I realized some have been achieved and some still remain.  I have completed an Ironman and learned to scuba dive; yet, I still have dreams of standing in the shadow of Mount Everest, watching the prayer flags speak to the universe, and I still wish to run a marathon in Antarctica.  
These goals got me asking the question: WHY?  Why do I want to do these things?  What was there in achieving these feats?   
I realized my life goals were not in the actual event but in how the event would make my soul fly, if even for a mere moment. 

In life it is easy to focus on those moments in which our heart sinks and our soul hides in the darkness.  I remember many of these moments-- phone calls about friends or family members passing, watching my mother cry after the death of my grandmother, holding a friends as they cope with a divorce, grasping the hand of a child as they walk in to the unknown, or the loss of a dear pet.  Lists of these moment pile up in my mind, too many to list, but images buzz through my visions, like a flip book.  Just thinking about these moments I can feel my heart grow heavy.  I feel my chest tighten.  I feel my soul keening.

It is easy to get trapped in these moments. But when we think about it these are not the moments we think of when at the mention of "life goals".  We don't one day hope to feel loss or pain.  

We instead look to life goals to give us moments of our souls soaring.  These soaring moments, are captured in moments we may not even realize are life goals.  I never thought holding my nephews for the first time or hearing them say "I love you" would ever be a life goal, but here I am my souls souring ever higher thinking about that moment and the moments yet to come watching them grow. There are goals which I look back on fondly; like buying our first home, catching a fish with my dad (watching Patrick catch a fish with my dad was even more fulfilling), or stepping across a finish line. 

Now my life goal is to live in these moments where my soul can sore with no bounds.  Does it mean I wish to forget or ignore the moments which have left scars; absolutely not, it means those scars will be mended by these souring moments.  When life appears difficult I will not fall into the sadness of those heart sinking moments; I will instead allow those moments to pass over me but focus my energies on the moments which energize me.  

Today my life goal it to be happy- grated I want to feel happiness and souring in the shadow of Everest and in the ice of Antarctica, too!!!

Unexpected Adventure- Tampa Bay Frogman

I have raced many races which were emotionally and physically taxing, but I can honestly say this event was an amazingly different type of emotional and physical challenge.  
As the race neared the weather was already showing signs that it was not cooperate on race day- predictions for high winds was going to make the race call a "day of" type call.  The Saturday before the race was beautiful, however.  Patrick and I along with about 20 other swimmers took to the water for practice swims.  Many of the swimmers had stood on this shore in previous years, always working to return here for this cause and adventure.  The water was warm, too warm for the long sleeve wetsuit I was wearing.  Patrick swam with no wetsuit, the only person out there.  What can I say we are North Florida people warm is different for us.  We got a mile in, nice and easy.  the chop was not bad but we did take a few hits from waves after passing he radio towers.  The water was clearish and the skies were bright blue- this weather would not stay.  After the mile swim and a few conversations with other swimmers, we headed out for food and rest.  
Through out the evening I was glued to my weather app, I knew it was only a matter of time before we would get that call.  But in true supportive fashion Patrick and my dad loaded up the kayak.  We all prepared our gear, double checking our lists.  Then the first notice came- the kayak rental called to let us know the kayak support had been canceled, then emails, and Facebook messages popped up.  I felt deflated, but there was nothing I could do, the water was not going to be safe.

Through out the night I awoke to the sounds of the wind and rain, then to the sounds of tornado warnings on my phone (and phones throughout the house).  There were tornadoes hitting ground approximately 20 miles away.  The winds were vicious, even knocking down one of the palm trees out front of the house- just missing the SUV with the kayak on top.  
After cutting up a palm tree it was time to pack up and head out to the party event for the Frogman Swim.  We could not go over the Skyway bridge due to strong winds (over 60 mph), so we took the long way around.  My dad drove us to the race start.  There were I had swam just the day before were four foot swells, white caps, lots of chop, and winds... lots of winds.  My ego wanted to still jump in and fight, but my mind (and the race director) was keeping it in check.  The water wasn't safe for our safety team and personal kayakers, it certainly would have been extremely rough for any swimmer.   

The "party" gathering was an amazing experience.  Not only were all of the people delightful to be around but their stories kept the attention of everyone.  Some people had been doing the swim for years, talking of conditions and method of crossing.  They also talked about the dedication to the cause.  Many of the swimmers had military history via their own service or the service of family members.  As I listened the the event planners talk about this events journey I am moved by those around me.  In and among the many I got to met the mother of Danny Dietz, the solider whose name I, along with two other swimmers, was to honor in my swim.  This woman, mother, was inspirational.  You could tell by the way she looked at the photo of her son that not a single day goes by that she doesn't  miss him and his light.  But it wasn't loss that shined in her eyes, instead it was pride.  She was proud of her son's honor and courage and sacrifice.  I had two different opportunities to speak with her and during those times she handed to me two items- one was a coin representative of the mission her son was killed during, the second was a coin in memory of her son.  As we spoke I told her that I intended on completing the 3 miles upon returning home and that I hoped to return next year to the Frogman event.  She asked me if I would carry her son, her angle, with me, as she handed me the coin in his memory.  I told her that I would be honored.  we hugged and she held my hand one last time. My heart just held on to that moment and this woman's bravery to face a world where her son sacrificed with his life so that we may stand there. 

Upon returning home I made up my mind to swim the following weekend.  The weather turned much colder than I had expected but I had swam in cold waters previously so I figured I would still give it a shot.  The air temperature was 48 and the water temperature was 52.  I had taken Danny's coin with me, taping it above my heart as I suited up.  I headed into the water, thankful to have Patrick by my side.  I had thought of inviting others out for the swim, but this was my challenge to overcome.  The water level was extremely low, but the water was crystal clear, as was the air.  Every detail of the sand and sea grass was clear.  I started out on my normal loop course for Mommy Beach, but quickly had to start heading out further out.  I was cold and shivering slightly, but felt I could press on. When I hit the turn around mark, I let Patrick know that I was feeling colder and I could feel my muscles tighten.  Patrick gave me a sighting point on the far side of the beach.  Upon turning around this took me further out in to deeper water.  The water was still clear- it was just the bottom was much further away.  The sunlight danced below the surface and sparkled in the droplets coming off my raised arms.  I tried to focus on the sunlight, tried to imagine it warming me. 

There was no break from the cold, as my hands left the cold water they were met with the cold air and then the water again, neither was warmer.  I had a good pace going but at about 1.4 miles I stopped in the deep and told Patrick that was it, I could not stand the cold any longer.  As I rested my hand on the kayak to steady myself for a moment I realized I could no longer extend my fingers.  It wasn't my hands hurting though that was making me decide to call the swim, it was that my hips were in pain.  In time I figured this was because I was cold and my muscles were beginning to tense to keep my core warm.  I swam back to shore, making my open water distance 1.7 miles.  I was disappointed, frustrated, saddened, and cold.  My body temp had dropped considerably and I was on the cusp (or slightly over) of hypothermia.  
Patrick wrapped me in towels and blankets to start warming me up.  My task was not done and while it would not be in the open water as I had wanted it would be completed.  We headed to the University pool for me to finis the last 1.5 miles.  I was feeling much warmer after some soup and heat.   
As I dipped my feet in the pool water it felt warm, it was certainly warmer than anything I had been immersed in that day.  However, once my full body was in the water it was as if the cold came flooding back.  This 1.5 miles was a slow go, back and forth, back and forth, with only a black line to stare at. 
Upon finishing the distance I was cold and stiff.  My body felt good for having swam, but it also felt like rebelling from being so cold.  I battled with this being a completion of my Frogman goal- it wasn't all open water, part was completing in the safety of the pool; it wasn't the Tampa bay crossing i had originally hoped for.  Nothing was how I had pictured the event; however, through this journey I carried the memories of those who gave their lives and the pride of the cause I was swimming for.  It was in thinking about this journey that I realized I had completed what I set out to do-- spread a message about the Navy seal Foundation.  
This event may not have started out or ended the way I wanted it to but it did teach me about perseverance, pride, courage, and giving.  Thank you to everyone who supported me through donations, swim company, swim planning, company, laughter, and few drinks!  Thank you for believing in something greater than all of us, for believing in the men and women who sacrifice their lives for us each day.