Friday, October 2, 2015

"Patrick, You ARE an Ironman."-- What those words meant to me...

I am continuing to raise money for the Navy Seal Foundation.  For more information please read this: Supporting the Navy Seal Foundation- Frogman Swim 

Yes, I did IMCHOO.
Yes, I am going to talk about it. 
No, I am not going to talk about my journey right now. 
You see there is something more important to me that I want to talk about.  I want to talk about what those words, "You are an Ironman," meant to me that night when Patrick's name proceeded them.  
Checked in 2015!!

This all came about when a friend of mine expressed congratulations to Patrick first on finishing the race, when it was only me standing there, and I too raced.  After stating I would tell him and smiling, I moved on.  But this has been a theme of the week.  I expressed to another friend my frustration with Patrick's finish seeming more important.  My friend looked at me and said, "But you did it before."  Then they said these words, "Aren't you happy for him?" 
I was taken back.  I knew this friend was simply confused and concerned over what they perceived was me not supporting Patrick or thinking he should not get praise for his hard work that day.  
I felt in that moment and in ones to follow a need to explain what it meant that night to hear those words.  
During the trip to Tennessee Patrick and I talked about the last year and the event of the last IMCHOO race.  Patrick noted my emotional state to be one similar to survivor guilt-- finisher guilt, he coined.  I didn't want to celebrate my victory for fear it wasn't fair.  I was cautious of wearing gear from the event.  I was scared of hurting my training partner, my strength and core.  Patrick gave me permission throughout the year to be proud; he was proud of my achievement.  In turn I believe I gave him support to try again and faith in him enough to push out doubt on the rough days.  
The events of Sunday night which took place outside the finish chute video can only be shared here. 
I was the first person to put my victory second to Patrick's.  
During the run portion of the race Patrick and I saw each other twice.  The first time we met near the top of one of the backside hills.  I yelled and cheered for him and he broke a smile.  High fives were shared.  The next time would be near the same hill, I would be about 2 miles from the finish.  At that moment, seeing him I knew he had gone further on that course than ever before; he was pass the cut off/pull point; he was all smiles.  I knew in that moment those words would be spoken that night.  I knew what no one else on that race course knew- that a man with a strength and will greater than I can imagine would push to the finish.  
A few minutes later I was at the finish line.  Once again sending my symbol of love back out on to the course.  I was across the finish line but all I wanted to do was go back out there and chase after him. A medal was put around my neck; photos were snapped; and I was ushered towards food and blankets.  
Family and friends support!
PEA RIDGE support!
My dad was the first familiar face I saw.  He hugged me tight and told me he was proud (a hug I'll talk about later).  I stepped back from him and said, "He's coming."  All smiles, jumping up and down, and fist pumping the air--- "HE'S COMING!!!"  My dad smiled as we walked to where my mom was holding down the fort.  Again hugs and congrats and "he's coming".  My mom smiled.  My parents told me Patrick was looking strong at T2 and on the tracker.  I told them of watching him crest the hill with a smile that lit up the night.  My parents told me where friends of mine were, near the finish line.  I went down to see them and to tell them the news.  
After hugs, I told them, "He's coming."  I gave the same details of where he was and that he was looking good and feeling good.  He was going to make it, he had time.  
As each minute went by my anxiety grew.  I think a friend of ours got tired of me asking, "Is that him?" As each person came into the light. 
Then there he was, coming down the finish chute.  There he was all smiles.  There we were all yelling for him.  Watching him cross that finish line I could feel his burden and mine lifted.  We were Ironmen!!!  
In socks and over muddy ground I ran around the finish area to greet him at the athlete  exit.  I wanted to wrap my arms around him, congratulate him, and bask in this accomplishment.  (The "guards" would not let me in to take a photo with him.)  I waited till he was out of the athlete finish area and we embraced.  I know in that moment he was relieved and proud and a thousand other emotions.  All I felt was elation, for him.  I knew the work that went into getting here, beyond the workouts, I knew the mental work it took for him to get here.  It may have been a struggle I have yet to fully understand but I knew the road block standing there.  
I tell you this to say I realized I should not be upset when others congratulate me on his accomplishment first, as I did the same thing that night.  

In his victory I found victory greater than what was found in my victory alone. 
My cup runeth over. 

I am continuing to raise money for the Navy Seal Foundation.  For more information please read this: Supporting the Navy Seal Foundation- Frogman Swim 

I've been blogging for a while now. If you enjoyed this one, you may enjoy others. Look though the Blog Archive on the right, for more of our experiences and random thoughts. 

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