Wednesday, October 1, 2014

IMCHOO: A Victory, of sorts

It was a long journey to get here.  In the beginning it seemed as though time moved like molasses through a coffee stirrer (that mean really really slow to my non-southern speaking friends) but as 300 days turned to 200 to 100, time seemed to pick up pace and speed pass me, bringing me to this moment.
We traveled up on Friday getting to Chattanooga around noon.  In time to complete athlete check-in, meander through the Ironman village, purchase a few pre-race items, go to the River half of the Tennessee Aquarium, catch the athlete's briefing, tour the Aquarium's Ocean side, get some food and check-in to the hotel. I am not really sure where the "rest" portion of this rest day was but we had a fun time with my parents in tow.  At the hotel before tucking ourselves into bed we packed and set up bags for transition and course special needs. 
Saturday brought other plans: Focusing on the race and trying not to focus on the race.  We started off the day with a tour of Ruby Falls.  If you get the chance you go, GO. After our tour we headed to the race site to drop off T1 and T2 gear bags and our bikes.
This process was new to us.  we had been in events where you had to drop off your bike the night before but never an event where our gear would be stowed out of our transition space.  It took a few walk throughs for me to get the path of bag pick up in my head.  Out of the water here, run up here, get this bag here, tent there, change, go to bike, off, bike get bag, go to tent this way, change, go run.  Over and over again I walked through it.  Soon enough I was giving directions on where we would go and how we would move through the transition area.  
After drop offs we headed down to the river to get a practice swim underway.  Patrick and I looped the quarter of a mile course three times.  The water was a little chilly but not cold, it honestly, felt pleasant in the mid day warmth.  Our practice swims were fast, although at times I felt like I was not pushing the water- I guess maybe it was pushing me.
We again grabbed some food downtown and headed back to the hotel.  This evening we would prepare Special Needs bags, double checking them for all our goods. 
That was it.  Every piece of training and preparation was done.  Now all we had to do was race.
Rest.
Bike ready.
On race morning we were up at 0315, ready and headed to the river side.  We beat the opening of transition and body marking.  At 0430 the fun began.  Volunteers filled the streets with marks ready to chant numbers as athletes striped and redressed.  Then the announcement hit- "Not a wetsuit legal swim."  Not wanting to be stuck in the back of the pack I gave up my warm, seal suit.  We loaded buses and headed to swim start.
My parents hung with us as we rested on the sidewalk. 
Athletes gathered and fretted over the swim or their position in the line.  As the swim got underway my parents caught the bus back to the transition area and swim exit, while they would be out on the course seeing me, I would not see them again until after T2.   

THE SWIM
The music started to pump, the athletes moved in close to the start line.  When the horn going off we all started moving forward.  In true racing tradition, I kissed Patrick and wished him a good race (maybe a hundred times).  Then I danced my way up to the dock to jump.  As we all pushed forward I took one more glance at Patrick and moved to the dock's edge.  I stepped out, my back foot slipped back from the tape on the dock, I quickly pulled my back leg forward to avoid hitting my shin on the dock, and I was in the water.
I headed out a few strokes towards the buoy.  Remembering Patrick had told me to not forget to start my clock, I reached for my wrist, trying to remember how to use the thing.  Pushing buttons, lots of buttons.  And it started.  Oh yeah- BREATHE!!!  I began my breathing pattern three strokes and breathe.  I counted the buoys, first they were yellow then they turned to orange, I knew the last, like the first, would be red.
As we swam I felt good moving along the buoy line.  I started to spot the river island, a focus point where we had to stay to the left.  I was nervous about what would happen if I miss calculated drifting to the other side. Turns out this was not much of a worry as I was well to the left of the island.
The water was cool but warmer than the air.  I only felt cold as I neared the first bridge, we would go under three but not four, back to back.  These bridges we would see again on the run course.
Upon nearing the end of the swim, I shook out my legs more in my kicks, preparing them for land and the bike.  I carefully approached the stairs, grabbed the railing and lifted myself to my feet.  Figured out which way to go and was off to T1.
I felt good.  I felt fast.  The water is where I feel safe and secure.  Unlike other athletes I am not fast just to get out of the water.  I spent much of my swim looking at the trees, the current, and the sun glimmering off the water splashed from my arms.
I came out of the water at 53:42.  At this point I was 31st in my division and 501st overall.
SIDE NOTE: Dead body in the water.  You can look up the news report on it but that's right a dead body was drifting down the water with us.  It was found around 0800, meaning we swam for 30 minutes with it drifting next to us.  I understand it is a big river but this is not okay, not at all!   

T1
Doing a full Ironman brought new processes, including how transition happens.  Instead of having items stacked up by our bikes we grabbed our bags and headed to a changing tent.
I was able to quickly find my T1 bag- thanks to some duck tape and a helpful volunteer!!!
Upon entering the T1 changing tent I found a seat.  There were few women there yet so one of the volunteers came running up to me.  She quickly took on the role of personal assistant.  I should have been delighted to have her, but honestly, it made me nervous.  She was going through my things, trying to help to organize things and asking what I needed.
I quickly stripped off my swim bottoms and grabbed my biking shorts.  I thought maybe I would be seen as inconsiderate just stripping right there, but then I noticed (you could not help bu notice) the other women appeared to be barely dressed as they entered the tent, so i was good.  Although the helpful woman was REALLY close!!!
She quickly went to work helping me into my Tri top, and stuffing Uncrustables, Peanut M&M's, Huma, and honey sticks into my pockets.  I then stuffing medications and Base Salt into my sports bra.  I taped my knee.  I then secured my helmet, grabbed my shoes, and headed out of the tent towards my bike.  My number was yelled into the bike racking area, but no one could hear it so I just made my way there, slipped on my shoes and ran off with my bike.
At the mount line, I gave a final glance to the transition area to remind myself I would be back.
My time in T1 was 07:09.  Not supper fast but for a clothing change, I would say that's pretty good. 

THE BIKE  
Starting out on the bike I was glad I had dropped my gears before the race.  This allowed me to get up and out the small hill with just spinning.  We quickly approached railroad tracks, these tracks were covered and guarded by volunteers but they were still bumpy.  The girl in front of me upon going over the railroad tracks lost everything off her bike.  Water bottles went flying, nutrition went off to the side, stuff everywhere; as I was watching for debris she slammed on her brakes and was not all the way out of the road, causing me to swerve and correct.
I was now safely on the bike.  I adjusted my watch again; I didn't need to see the minutes ticking up, I wanted to see the time of day, that's what I had to beat.  I also switched my bike computer from miles to biking time.
After getting situated, I settled in for my ride, this would be a long work day.  Also an opportunity to think about things.  I thought about the curse that is being a strong swimmer in the front of the pack but only a moderate cyclist.  When you have this combination what happens is you get passed a lot on the bike, A LOT.  Zoom. Zip. Swoosh.  They go by me.  Only a mere few call their shot or bother to say good morning.  This presents a problem as I try to avoid a few road hazards.  I watch groups go by and I watch the USAT officials go by, following them and flashing penalty cards.  I have to say I was glad to see this happening, if I can't draft, then they can't draft; rules are rules and we all have to follow them.
The bike course was beautiful.  We passed Lookout Mountain, thankful to not be making that climb, on our way out to vast farm lands.  The rode was mostly in Georgia.  We would hit spots of people on the side of the road watching the cyclist, they showed up on four wheelers and lawn mowers to watch.  Some clapped, some stared, some just kept on mowing.         
The aid stations were great, I have finally learned to grab water and Powerade while at a slowed speed.  A maneuver I have been scared to do till now.  Today I learned.
I only stopped twice on the bike so that I could pee.  The first time I tried to set my bike on the rack, it was weak.  When I came out another athlete had laid his bike up against mine, not on the rack.  A very nice gentleman volunteer came over asking if I needed anything.  I simply told him I need this other bike moved.  He quickly grabbed it, I unwedged my bike from the rack, thanked him, and pushed out.  This would be the same pit stop on my next loop, but this time another very nice guy offered to hold my bike for me.  He also offered to refill my water bottle, I was thankful and allowed it.  When I exited he handed me my bike waited for me to stabilize on my feet, then yelled biker coming back out, quickly other athletes responded and gave me space.  Bonus help!!!
During the bike I came across one of our tri club members.  He was great (both times he passed me).  He was so positive even though he wasn't feeling 100%.  He encouraged me, told me I was doing great, and smiled a smile that was comforting in a time when my legs and body were of no comfort. 
I ate little on the bike but I did drink a good amount and took in salt.  I had my uncrustable- honey and peanut butter.  Bite by bite it was rough to just get it down.  Not because it wasn't good but because I just didn't really want it.  At the mid point where the Special Needs Bags were I simply passed this point and took out my saved and cherished M&M's.  It was time for a reward!!!  Lastly I ate my blueberry Huma.  Not being a fan of blueberry and it being 80 miles into the bike ride I was not thrilled to eat but again it was good and it helped me to balance back out.     
The loops felt fast(ish), there was one spot on each loop where I was up to 35MPH cruising down the hill.  It was nice after climbing for so long, like a present for sticking in there.
The bike portion brought some weather, a lite rain fall.  I was able to finish the bike in 07:20:41, a bike that was 116 miles long (4 miles longer than a normal IM); this put me at a 15.79 mph pace.
I will admit I was delighted to find the dismount line, I could not walk but I was delighted to have the option back.
During the bike ride my mind wandered.  I wanted to know where Patrick was on the course.  Where was the guy in the car with the sign talking about other athletes positions, I have seen him on television.  I needed that sign to show me.
I distracted myself by watching the mountains go by; watching horses and cows graze in the meadows; glimpsing at the trees that had been touched by the autumn air.
I did the math calculations, time of day, time on the bike, miles done.  Added it to know how much longer.  Get off the bike under 07:30:00, that's 1600, that gives me 8 hours to run the marathon.  Over and over again I did the math.  I ran through how to change a tire too, just in case. 
Out of no where something happened to my left leg.  It felt like a dragon fly had hit my leg.  I jerked to the point of nearly throwing myself side ways.  Whatever it was it was weird and not voluntary.  It stopped for the next 20 miles, then WHAMO, it was back.  This time I could tell it was a muscle spasm.  There was a pain from my lower back causing this involuntary leg twitch.  It would continue about every 5 miles until I got off the bike.  The good news is it would go away.
There was enough on the bike to keep me in a good mood.  Climb then glide.  Climb then glide.  Climb, and climb, and climb, then try to breath!!!!     
SIDE NOTE: The bike was sabotaged by some local.  Oil thrown on the road and tacks along the way.  The oil was quickly addressed with police officers changing the traffic pattern.  They poured dirt over the road to adsorb and then they cleaned off the road.
The tacks were a little different story.  When I came upon this area I didn't know what had happened.  What I did know was there were several athletes on the side of the road.  One woman crying and another stopping to help her.  Others cursing.  Some just trying quickly to change their tires.  I passed safely.  When I made my first stop I found out there have been tacks thrown out on the road. The police and county officials had it all cleared out by the time I came back around.
I am not sure if the person doing this really understood the danger they were causing.  I hope they were simply trying to be mean and not trying to cause an accident which could have not only ended a race but a life.  Yes it is that serious for us out there.

T2
Off the bike.  I handed my bike off to a nice man.  I thought I would be nervous about giving up my bike.  NOPE, here you go, take her.
Again a lovely volunteer handed me my run gear bag.
I headed up to the changing tent.  Quickly disrobed my biking shorts.  Run shorts on.  Next tri top off, oh helmet off now too.  Then run top on.  I put my shoes on by mistake, back off to get my braces on.  Braces on.  Deep breath.  
At this point a volunteer came up and offered to help.  She was quickly putting all my things into my bag.  She helped me to get my shoes on.  It is amazing how helpful someone handing your shoes can be.  I stuffed my sports bra with a Moca Huma and my new found salt. I grabbed my visor and belt- off we go again.
A quick stop at the porta potty then out to the run course.   A porta potty seat has never been so comfortable. 
It took me 07:57 in T2, the braces take a little time. 

THE RUN
My braces took a few yards to get adjusted (turns out it wasn't just right, left a nice bruise). Step. Adjust. Step.  I looked up to see my parents on the hill.  They waved and headed towards the rail.  I blew them kisses, gave them an "I LOVE YOU' sign and moved on, I could not stop.  I wanted to stop.  I wanted to hug them.  I wanted to cry just making it this far.  This is where I said I needed to be that if I could get on the run then I could finish this race.  It was still daylight, I had time.
My mom's photo of me, in the distance.
Forward motion.
My legs acted like they didn't understand what to do next.  One foot in front of the other that was the best I could do.  As I was completing the first mile I came up a small bridge to see one of our Tri Club Members.  It was nice to see a smiling face (maybe not so nice to see a camera as I was moving at a snail's pace).   I moved on to the first aid stat
ion.  Here I found a new food love on the run course- GRAPES!!  I normally like grapes but on this day I loved them.
I began to feel a little better, I started to walk and run.  There was no set distance or time for each interval, just run as long as I could without feeling like falling over.  Sometimes it was one step other times it was 10 light poles.  On the first lap it started to rain again.  I walked and ran with a few people.  We chatted about our woes- hurt legs, sore feet, disgruntle stomachs.
Mile after mile I took in water, powerade, and grapes.  I was feeling good walking and running.  At mile 8 I came to the other side of the first aid station, there I saw him- MY LOVE.  I could feel the smile on my face press hard in my cheeks.  We cheered each other on, both happy to be here on this run course.  There were seven miles between us but he is strong.  About a half a mile later the lite rain created a rainbow leading to the finish line.
Now we crossed the bridge to the other side, the hilly side.  It was not long on this side of the bridge before the hill started to take its effects.  I walked up the hill and ran down the hill, trying to save my legs.  On the downhills, I could feel how my brace hinge was a little off.  It felt like the metal was digging into my inner knee.  This portion of the course had other hills through the neighborhood.  As I exited the neighborhood I was faced again with the hill- walk it up, run it down.
I hit other bridge over the river, it was wet and slick at this point.  I walked most of it.  The other side brought the Special needs bags and the turn to loop back around.  I have never been so happy to start another 13.1 miles.  As I went around again so did the rain, this time the wooden walk ways on the river walk were slippery, like hold on so you don't fall on your butt type slick.  Here I joined a few guys who were running intervals, we jockeyed and joked.  It helped the time to pass.  As we came into an aid station we were handed out glow necklaces- these were the most annoying thing on the whole race.  Maybe it was because I have not trained using them or maybe it was because I was not 13 or at a rave.
As I came back up to the bridge where I first saw Patrick I searched for him.  I tried even to look through the woods for him.  No luck.  I assumed this meant he was close.
I crossed back to the mountain side of the run, again walk up, run down.  The crowd was excited, drunk, but excited.  I knew now I was getting closer, 5 miles, 4 miles, 3 miles.  Here I was at a 5K left to go.  It was hard to keep from falling apart as I walked through the neighborhood.  A woman stood on her front lawn, clapping, cheering, the last hold out in the night.
I went up that hill one more time.  As I reached the bottom of the hill, my run was barely forward motion.  A few steps from the aid station, I hung my head to regroup.  A volunteer touched my shoulder.  She said, "You can do this.  It is a mile and half.  You can overcome."  I smiled at her trying not to cry.  I started to run again.  In the dim street light I looked down at my arm.  This morning it had said, "Be Strong.  Be Positive. Press On."  "Be Strong" was no longer there, having rubbed off from sunscreen and time.  Fading was the "Be Positive." Boldly visible was "Press On." That's what I had left, the ability to press on.  I crossed the river one last time.  I was disoriented in the darkness, glad to have volunteers to point my way.
I have an elbows out problem.
As I was approaching the finish line several people started yelling,"You have done it", "You are an Ironman", "You are almost there."  Then I saw it, the finish line. It was lite up.  The music was blaring.
I tried to remember what I was told, make a good picture.  But all I wanted was to be done. Down the shoot I ran, my eyes to dry to tear up, but my chest tight.  I widened my stride.  I high fived (I guess everyone but my parents).  I crossed under the time- "Teresa Hess, you are an Ironman."  I threw up my hand with an "I love you".  It was an impulse move- why?  I knew in that moment the reason why was for Patrick, my love, who had brought me here and who was still out there in the darkness.
My run time was 06:06:04.  
I love you, my love.
Quickly, I felt hands on my shoulders as a soft spoken volunteer reached out to me.  He put the medal around my neck.  He congratulated me.  He walked me over to get my shirt and hat. He guided me to get my photo taken.  He asked several times if I was ok.  I was but my mind was else where.  My mind was on the course.  I stepped into a tent where they gave me my finish times-- 14:35:13.

I asked for them to look to tell me where Patrick was on the course.  They gave me his last check in and a 'look".  I assume now the look was one of concern over his being able to finish.  I did the math, it was going to be close.
I grabbed a slice of cold pizza, that I really did not want.  I moved through the tent.
At the end of the tent were my mom and dad.  They hugged me, proud of me, thankful for my safe journey. But they knew I was not relieved yet.
We went over to the stairs and I took off my shoes and braces, put back on my sweats, and waited.  Patrick made another check point and then radio silence.  The next time I would know where he was he was wondering in front of me.  I took off running to him like I had not just finished an Ironman.
All I could do was hug him and hold him.  I knew that my mixed feelings were nothing compared to Patrick's.  My heart sank further as he told me what had happened with being pulled off the course.  I could not fix it.  It wasn't about ability.  It wasn't about what we should have done.  It was simply about time.
Then he smiled at me.  He told me he was proud of me.  He showed me again how strong of a person he is both physically and emotionally.  The man I loved, loves me so much that in his pain he could lift my joy.
Finishing my Ironman was bitter sweet.  It was a thrilling feeling to know I had done it, to know I could do it, to know it was over.  
It was a long day.
It was a good day. 

SIDE NOTE: The best part of this adventure has been the support, love, and never relenting compassion from my husband.  My victory is not mine alone.  I may have pushed the water, I may have pressed the winds, and I may have pounded the road, but Patrick lifted my heart, built my soul, and mended my mind.  When I think back about this experience it will be about the journey we went through together not about the loneliness of the finish line.  The memories will be of 4am runs, where we laughed about rabbits scaring us.  The memories will be of 5am bike rides were racoons fell from the trees.  The memories will be of sharks following us on beach swims.  The memories will be of moments when it would have been easy to quit and give up but he told me no, he told me press on, he told me I am stronger than this day. 
I don't know how you make it to any of life's finish lines without such love and I hope to never know what type of fight that would be.  I only hope I can give so much to him to help him get to the finish line of his goals, including one day attempting this again.

  

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